MEN and women must join hands in building violence-free homes where children are taught to respect elders and shun drugs and other behaviours that give families a bad name, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa has said.
She made the remarks at an oversubscribed male engagement session in Maramba Pfungwe where she handled many delicate issues in an effort to build family unity and curb domestic violence and child marriages which are affecting society today.
The programme also seeks to enhance men’s access to health facilities after health professionals had voiced concern that men were not utilising health centres.
Thus, the First Lady highlighted the need for men to undergo regular health checks to ensure they stayed healthy.
After the programme men stampeded the Angel of Hope Foundation’s mobile clinic and other health posts which were there assisting the mobile bus for health checks, showing they had paid heed to the call by Amai Mnangagwa to utilise health services.
Maramba Pfungwe constituency is far from the capital city and perched near the border with Mozambique, showing her unconditional love for all the country’s citizens despite distance that needs to be covered to reach them.
So thrilling was the session as people were accorded the chance to freely express themselves and learn from others.
All people who attended the session did not walk home empty-handed as they received food hampers, courtesy of the mother of the nation.
Before the start of the proceedings, Dr Mnangagwa sought permission from chiefs and men to address them in line with the country’s traditional norms and values.
“Please allow me to stand in front of you. It is not usually allowed that women stand in front of men. We know leadership is for men, but it is essential to listen to women’s views in building the home. Today is a day for men and I am grateful to have such a wonderful time in Maramba Pfungwe for many days.
“We touched on many issues from children where we looked at norms and values in the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba Programme. To women we learnt about using our hands. Vana baba, how are you living with your wives in the homes? Is the way you are living the same as when you got married? Children of nowadays are taking drugs. Some of them claim to be doing this to escape from domestic violence caused by their parents in the home.
“We shall start by looking at the relationship between husbands and wives, a father and his son, the mother and daughter and the children themselves. Are you still discussing as families? Do such discussions still exist and are you happy with the goings on? Today’s youths are not respecting courtship period, but this is not encouraged as people must first study one another to preserve the institution of marriage.
“How are you living in the homes?” she asked. Sekuru Shepherd Zingi said relations were bad in the homes.
“The way we are living is bad. Men no longer give their spouses money and there is hunger in the homes as men splurge on beer and girlfriends.
“When doing laundry, women see money hidden in the inner pockets. On the other hand, when you try to counsel children, women protect them, triggering mischief,” he said.
Mr Joshua Nhapi spoke along the same lines saying the issue of rights was causing chaos.
“The issue of rights is fomenting chaos in the homes. Children no longer listen and if you beat them they report you to the police citing their rights. Our daughters are putting on tight trousers and I heard another girl here telling you she preferred trousers to dresses. Boys put on five trousers at once and when they undress it is as if they will be peeling an onion. On the other end he will be high on drugs and once you voice concern as a parent, the child threatens to beat you up. We are in deep trouble,” he said.
However, Mr Prosper Kambanje blamed everything squarely on parents.
“We the parents are to blame because we share beer with our children at a tender age. We also send them to buy us beer which we consume in their presence. Naturally the children will start experimenting to see how it goes. The other challenge Amai, our wives are talkative. If there was a leave from marriage, as men we would never return home because the women there are problematic. We would just go for good,” he said, triggering laughter.
The First Lady urged families to live in peace and spend time teaching children good manners.
An elderly discussant decried that women had lost affection for men unlike during the early days of marriage.
“Our wives had so much love in the initial stages of marriage but this is no longer the case.
“In the past when you called her she would answer well by saying “Shewe or baba” but nowadays she ignores you. Again the moment you finish building the house with her, you die. What is happening? There is a story here which women must answer to,” he said.
Headman Richard Matewere said according to statistics, Mashonaland East Province came third in terms of child marriages.
“Women are marrying off children before time because of love for niceties. She will be aware that their 15-year-old daughter has a boyfriend who is older than her. Out of love for a hairdo, they do not counsel the child leading to pregnancy,” he said.
Men also accused women of denying them conjugal rights and spending more time on their phones.
In response, Mrs Teclar Kandemiri denied the charges levelled at women by men.
“Men said we are killing them, yet they are falling sick due to promiscuity. They also abuse drugs and when he dies, people point fingers at the woman thinking she wanted to keep the house for herself. We love our husbands even though they maltreat us,” she said.
On conjugal rights, Mrs Emily Muzawazi accused men of doing this by coming home drunk and failing to perform.
“Drug abuse causes erectile dysfunction. Men spend time with girlfriends and come home tired. By doing this, they are forcing us to have boyfriends,” she said.
On child marriages, women said men were “selling” their daughters in exchange for beer.
The First Lady asked how men preferred to be received back home when returning from work, eliciting a lot of exciting responses.
Mr Donald Choto said he always expects a warm welcome.
“I want to be shown love and be greeted with my totem. I want to be asked how I spent the day because I would have been working for the family,” he said.
Sekuru Maxwell Rutoso accused women of wanting money excessively.
“These women want money too much and are never grateful such that if you come back home empty-handed you are not welcomed respectfully and are made to take your food on your own. The bedroom is like a courtroom where you are probed over gossip that she would have with her friends,” he said.
Women responded saying they would never accord a warm welcome to someone who does not sleep at home.
“There will be pandemonium because he will be coming from a girlfriend. Should I in that case welcome him with his totem and ask how his trip was?” said Mrs Sheila Samwell.
The First Lady took time to counsel couples and urged them to love one another, maintain peace and solve their differences amicably.
A representative of the police Victim Friendly Unit hinted that Mashonaland East was affected by domestic violence and child marriages.
“Cases of domestic violence here are rife including child marriages. This is because they fight in homes, report to the police but when we are going to court women say they want to withdraw the charges after ironing out the differences. In no time they would have returned to the police with swollen eyes. We encourage you to come to us for counselling. If this does not work we then go to court. Even when men are harassed in the home, feel free to report because we are there for everyone,” he said.
Representing the National Gender-based violence call centre 575 which is in the office of the First Lady, Ms Locardia Magoveya said the mother of the nation saw GBV as a major challenge in the country and opened the call centre to receive complaints from all people at one station.
“When you phone you get help including counselling services. We work with many departments including the police, Ministry of Social Welfare, Ministry of Women Affairs, the Men’s Forum and the Adult Rape Clinic.
“What is pleasing with the call centre is that the First Lady personally has time to answer calls and assisting those in need with counselling services. Let me advise you that the call centre is not there to foment chaos in marriages but to strengthen them through dialogue which brings peace and good living in homes,” she said.
The call centre, Ms Magobeya said, encounters many issues that trigger violence because many people now enjoy undefined marriages and cohabitation which make it difficult in looking after children.
“When a woman comes and finds the husband with other children and everything is done fast without learning about one another, the woman may ill-treat her husband’s children and vice-versa and once such issues emerge, there will be violence.
“There are also child custody issues arising from the divorce of parents and maintenance. Men must take care of their offspring in spite of differences with the mothers. Even when you disagree, you must agree on child custody but if you fail, the law will take its course.
“Violence also starts where a couple that was in business together separates. Trouble starts when assets are disposed of without agreement or when each party starts using money the way it deems fit without consultation or when men start dating other women,” she said.
Another source of violence was singled out as drug and substance abuse.
“The consumption of drugs and illicit brews is on the increase. This is mostly affecting newly married people. When drunk, the husbands bash their spouses and children while spending money on such brews. Some women are also taking drugs together with girls and this is disturbing,” Ms Magobeya said.
Violence, she emphasised, causes death, disability and children are orphaned and mental health challenges together with marriage breakdown.
National Aids Council’s Dr Wilfred Dube warned that missing men with HIV services would lead to increased new infections, thereby increasing the vulnerability of women who would have accessed services.
“The Zimbabwe National HIV and Aids Strategic Plan IV (2021-2023) notes that four out of every 10 men have never tested for HIV and that while 80 percent of women have been tested for HIV and received their results, 62 percent of men have been tested for HIV and have received their results.
“ In addition to this, the strategic plan also points out that eight out of 10 men are not tested for HIV with their partners during PMTCT and only 17-23 percent of men accompany their partners during antenatal care,” he said.
The stark statistics, he said, showed a low level of involvement and participation of men in the utilisation of available HIV prevention and treatment services for their own health and that of their families.
“This reality does not end there. Evidence has also indicated that men are perpetrators of gender-based violence and harmful gender norms and practices which exacerbate women and girls’ vulnerability to HIV.
“In view of this, the National Aids Council has been seized with addressing these service gaps and promoting the involvement of men across various available,” he said.
He said NAC would strengthen its programmes in Mashonaland East so that it achieves the objectives of the First Lady’s vision and passion to ensure men utilise HIV prevention and treatment services while eradicating gender-based violence in pursuit of the 95-95-95 targets and ending Aids by 2020.
He further thanked Dr Mnangagwa for taking her mobile clinic to the people and for urging men to seek health check-ups regularly.
Mashonaland East Provincial Affairs and Devolution Minister Aplonia Munzverengwi said: “Amai, it is important to engage men in initiatives to reduce gender-based violence and increase awareness of the negative societal impacts of violence against women and girls.
“Men have a crucial role to play and we thank you for your programme that seeks to address many social ills. As women, we were so happy when we saw men rushing to the mobile clinic and other health posts to get screened for prostate cancer and to get tested for HIV among other ailments. This was prompted by your teachings and bringing health services to them for free,” she said.
Bulawayo based arts group – Iyasa provided edu-tainment on the effects of GBV and dangers of drug and substance abuse. – The Herald
