A movie has its own heroes and villains and every great party has a party pooper.
Life would be meaningless and colourless if it was not spiced up with curious characters whose acts of commission, omission and indiscretion often leave society speechless.
The year 2022 characteristically had many such blithering mamparas who, in some instances, gave us moments of comic relief and disbelief in equal measure.
Here are some of the characters who effortlessly qualified for the ignominious titles of Mamparas of the year.
**
Panashe Chinyama
The 24-year-old is probably the world’s most foolish prisoner.
He escaped from the Chikurubi Farm Prison with just under four months left in his one-year sentence. After escaping, which seemed to have been the hardest part, Chinyama, however, made little effort to disappear. The police’s Special Tactics Team actually had the easiest of tasks in apprehending him, as they found him sound asleep at his home in Whitecliff, Harare, barely three days after his great escape.
He is now back in custody, serving additional time for escaping from prison.
Bright Zhantali
The former bright student who turned into a serial killer would make Zimbabwe’s infamous criminal duo of Stephen Chidhumo and Edgar Masendeke, who were hanged in 2002 for a spate of heinous crimes, look like amateurs.
Zhantali, a 30-year-old from the quiet neighbourhood of Dandamera in Concession, Mashonaland Central, is facing charges of murdering at least 23 women in different parts of the country. His charge sheet tells a chilling story of a seemingly unassuming young man who turned into a monster that preyed on helpless and hapless women.
He bludgeoned, stabbed or strangled his victims before robbing them of valuables.
He even had the nerve to call his wife using his victims’ mobile phones.
Boss Pangolin
The colourful Ximex Mall dealer, whose real name was Tafadzwa Russel Murengwa, set tongues wagging in the capital on July 28, 2002, when he threw wads of US dollars in the air, which resulted in a near stampede.
A day later, he did the unthinkable: He shot his girlfriend, or former girlfriend, Samantha Dzapata, in cold blood in Waterfalls, Harare, before dying by his own hand.
Apparently, Boss Pango got his nickname from the time he was arrested for trying to sell a pangolin in Chisipite, Harare, around 2017.
Prophet Michael Sello
During the just-ended Fifa World Cup, a self-styled Harare prophet tried what he thought would be an easy route to fame when he supposedly prophesied that France was going to win the World Cup. He went a step further by urging his congregants, especially those given to betting, to put their money where his prophesy was.
Unbeknown to them, the so-called “man of God” had also gambled on his prophecy, and he lost.
Of course, Argentina won the coveted trophy.
However, the prophet, with egg on his face, was forced to apologise for his misleading stunt.
“I would like to apologise for making a prophecy on football betting. I had gone ahead of myself and was not acting in accordance with what the spirit expects of me,” he said in a video.
One can only hope that the congregants who were naïve to believe him will also have the heart to forgive him.
William Chinyanga
The United Kingdom-based relief teacher is now “a guest” of His Majesty, King Charles II, after he was convicted and jailed for three years for live-streaming a number of inciteful speeches via his Facebook pages over two days in early December 2019.
He actually encouraged bombings and attacks on soldiers and the police in Zimbabwe.
Chinyanga – who was subsequently hauled to court, facing two counts of encouraging terrorist acts – was convicted by the Kingston Crown Court in the UK on November 15 last year.
In early 2018, Chinyanga was paraded in the UK as CCC president Nelson Chamisa’s anti-rigging scientist.
Well, for the next three years, the only thing he will be studying is the UK prison system.
Jacob Mafume
After surviving the ignominy of being Harare’s shortest-serving mayor (no pun intended) in 2020, when he was temporarily suspended, Jacob Mafume, however, bounced back.
But it seems ever since his comeback, he desperately has a point to prove by frustrating everyone and anyone.
He tried to scuttle the Pomona waste-to-energy deal, which the council signed with Geogenix.
As if that was not enough, his toxicity seems to have succeeded in burying the deal to refurbish Rufaro Stadium by Sakunda Holdings – current sponsors of football giants Dynamos and Highlanders. The deal could have heralded a new era for both local football and Mbare.
At a later press conference, he arrogantly ridiculed local premier league football, equating it to a boozers’ league, before pledging to use council funds to restore the ceremonial home of football.
He has since promised to bring Rufaro back to life by March this year.
For a council that has failed to do basics such as collect garbage, pump water in people’s homes and repair local roads, one can only hope that pigs won’t fly before the project comes to fruition.
Jacob Ngarivhume
It also appears fringe politician Jacob Ngarivhume, who is still smarting from the drubbing he got during the 2018 parliamentary elections, will do anything for cheap publicity.
But cheap publicity can also be expensive.
Ngarivhume recently nearly got his fingers burnt.
Last month, he went on Twitter to claim that our hard-working doctors at Parirenyatwa Group of Hospitals had negligently killed his relative by accidentally cutting her intestines during a Caesarean operation.
Fake news!
The hospital, however, set the record straight, indicating that the operation was actually done at a private institution.
The patient was only referred to the hospital when her condition deteriorated.
When the facts came to light, the disgraced politician recanted his statement and, with tail between his legs, retreated from the shell from whence he came.
Justice Edith Mushore
Justice Mushore was fired by President Mnangagwa after a tribunal found her guilty of misconduct. Towards the unceremonious end to her career on the bench, she went AWOL. She even had the audacity to dodge hearings to look into her fitness to hold office. It later emerged that before her unannounced departure, she left about 90 unfinished cases. Phew!
Nelson Chamisa
The opposition leader got himself entangled in controversy over how funds that were crowdsourced from credulous supporters to buy his bulletproof car disappeared.
After staging what his party described as “assassination attempts” – which even his backers in the West did not believe – an initiative was launched to buy the life-saving car.
It was a matter of life and death, they claimed.
A considerable amount of money was resultantly raised, but no one knows what became of the funds.
It is often said a fool and his money are soon parted. – The Sunday Mail
